You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
