those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
