he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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