guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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