I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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