I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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