That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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