Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
