I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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