i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
