dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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