Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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