she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
