Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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