Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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