found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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