all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
