My first STD was from a foam party
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
