Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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