The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just high enough for therapy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
