i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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