He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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