come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
and you fell through a lawn chair
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