Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
