I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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