I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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