ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
