East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize