Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
