Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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