woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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