maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
