I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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