ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
