According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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