arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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