thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
