So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
