bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
