Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
