New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
