just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are leaves in my underwear?
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