He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
