hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love having hate sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
