on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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