I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize