omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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