who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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