He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Congratulations! We have a period
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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