I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize