dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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