Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
