true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize