...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
