And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize