did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just want nice things and good sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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