How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
