I think I died a long time ago.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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