why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
