He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
