i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
