i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
