Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
