youre lurking in front of me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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