Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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