so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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