Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
