sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
