There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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