dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
