So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
