So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
